The holiday season has begun and it can be a tough time for singles. This is one of those times of year (like New Year’s Eve and Valentine’s Day) when being alone can feel particularly lonely. It’s also the season for putting your wants and wishes into the air, and I know many of you, whether you’ve said it out loud or whispered it in your hearts, have added a mate to your Santa list. But as I have learned with my current weight loss program–wishing doesn’t make it so.
Know What You Want
If you are in the market to add a partner to your life, it’s important to be concerned first and foremost with what YOU want in a mate. As single women, we spend so much time worrying about being chosen and wondering why nobody seems to want us; that we give little thought to what’s really important when it comes down to the nitty-gritty of love. We scour magazines and the Internet looking for clues to what men want, and how we can become that person, so they will pick us. In our desire to “be what they want,” most of us are willing to change ourselves and/or deny our own needs for the sake of having someone in our lives to call ‘special’.
When you do this, you forget two important facts: 1) You ARE something special and 2) Happiness is truly fleeting if you deny yourself and your truth. No man, no matter his looks, education, or wealth will stand the test of time if he is ultimately not what YOU want.
Make Your List and Check it Twice
By all means, grab a cocktail, get out your stationery and make your list. Take a moment to sit quietly and think about what you want in your partner. Don’t get caught up in the superficial–what they look like, how much money they make, how they dress, went to school, or what part of town they live in. None of these things count in the long run. Go beyond the warm and fuzzy feelings of falling in love and the fun and romantic things you can do together, and concentrate on the personality qualities, morals, and values of the partner with whom you can share that love–for the long haul.
Then look at your list of gentle demands. Is it reasonable? Would you be capable of meeting your own needs? Does it demand more of a mate than it does of yourself?
Are You Ready for the Love You Want?
Being ready for the kind of quality love you say you want demands much more than merely wanting to be attached–even if you want it really bad. Fulfilling and sustaining love comes to you when you are ready and able to give as well as receive. The truth is, we are always so worried about the quality of love we want to GET, we give little or no thought to the quality of love we GIVE. It is a universal truth (law actually) that like energy attracts like energy, which means the quality of partner you will attract is directly related to the quality of partner you are.
‘Tis the magical season of believing and receiving. Know what you want and ask for it. Take a moment to focus on what you truly desire in your significant other. Once you’ve done that, you’ve taken the first step in creating it. The next step is to start doing the personal work needed to ensure that you are a partner who is worthy and equal to the one you are asking for. And lastly, never get comfortable doing without. Keep believing that your special delivery is on its way!
Lori Bryant Woolridge, CPA, CSC, ACC